Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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