I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
