what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
