you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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