hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
