i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize