Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
