So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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