Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
