apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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