how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
