the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
