Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
