Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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