Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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