Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
