so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
