I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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