i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Sober January is a disaster.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We need to get me chipped asap
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
