just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
