i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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