How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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