DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
