I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
