I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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