Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
