I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
