New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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