what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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