Pappa wants mamma naked
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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