watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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