I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
