just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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