It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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