Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
