btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
