so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
