SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
