Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
