Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
