he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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