Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
