I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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