evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
