Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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