just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
