There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
