I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
