allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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