once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I don't deserve a penis
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
