If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
