I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
