That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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