I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
