You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
