i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
