I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
