The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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