well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
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sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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