A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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