honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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