I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
