yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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