My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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