i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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