apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
