wrigley field is MILF paradise
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
