I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
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I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
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Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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