I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
